Sentiments

Sitting outside aimlessly looking at the stars, I could not help but to think of you. Your bright eyes could've been a great addition to those stars. A sober compliment from a sober boy like me. Great, I could not afford to be sentimental now. Couldn't I? I've always been sentimental, cherishing everything that comes from those persons that compasses my life. From you. Especially the few moments in my life with which you have had a part. Here I go again. I hate it when i go like this. Reminiscing. It brings about another session of sweet torture for me, hindering my long-suffering plan of ever moving on and throwing me back again to a sub-real world with which you're with me. Not easy, I assure you. A few moments to savor a love that will never be mutual. A few moments of bliss. And then reality. The realization that we'll never be stings the hardest. As if a great hand squeezes my heart. Yeah, heart. That forsaken thing. You could only imagine how my heart reacts whenever you're near or you're talking to me. And that makes me remember, one time we're talking, I'm shaking! Good thing no one else saw it. Talking to you. I control myself hard else words I never had the courage to tell you slip from my tonque. There was one time wherein I almost, almost told you those words. Fortunately I got hold of myself, wheew! I know nothing would come out of us even if I ever tell you, just the respect of my heart for a coward like me. Acceptance is a long, long way ahead. To tell you the truth I haven't really accepted it, still hoping for something, a compromise perhaps? Self-redemption is also distant, I could only hope to forgive myself for falling to you. I'm not saying you're not worthy to fall into, rather, you're just too perfect for me. You're just not meant for me. That hurts. A lot, if you'd like to ask. It would take time, I know, to fully accept that this battle is lost from the beginning. And it would take much longer time to accept that we could never be more than what we are now, that this love will never be mutual, that we're just friends (are we?) no more, no less..